For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
