I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have aggressive nipples.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
