Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
