Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize