the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
