Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
