he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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