somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
