I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
