he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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