I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
