Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
