well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form