were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.