I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises