if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MIDGETS
????
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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