I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
