I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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