I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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