I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
