So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
