Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
