if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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