youre lurking in front of me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
