It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
