So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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