i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
