he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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