My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
