stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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