Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
