I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
