My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
