I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
