would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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