Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
