but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
