Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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