I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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