is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
