you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
