Screwed.edu
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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