i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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