She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
