I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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