take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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