At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
