I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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