last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
