i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
