You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
