The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
