your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
