I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
