I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
