i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
