no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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