my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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