Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
