She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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