it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
