Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
