it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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