He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
operation have a gay friend backfired
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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